Category Archives: Uncategorized

There’s Something Fishy About the Summer Solstice

This coming Saturday, June 20th, is the first day of summer. Officially it will be at 4:44 PM, Central Standard Time, in the good old U.S. of A., where I live. Anyplace other than that, it’s at 21:44 UTC. You can work it out for yourself, for your region.

Traditionally, in the Christian world, it marks the birthday of John the baptist, although it is usually celebrated a few days later, depending on when the solstice actually occurs. It’s six months later than the birth of his cousin Jesus, whose birthday is celebrated a few days after the winter solstice.

When Jesus went to John to be baptized, John said, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30), which is to say that, after Jesus is born, days get longer, after John is born, days get shorter. Jesus, as all should know, has many of the attributes of pagan sun gods.

Christianity is notorious for having adapted much of pagan mythology, holidays, customs, well, really, nearly all of paganism, into Christianity. Twelve Greek gods, twelve apostles, all the same holidays, churches built on top of the foundations of pagan temples, the which were torn down by Christian monks: the list is near endless.

So, from whence was John the baptist derived, from which pagan god? The answer is in the etymology of his name. John comes from the Latin Johannes, which comes from the Greek Ioannes, which in Hebrew is Yohanon, all of which comes from Oannes. Oannes was the Mesopotamian god of water and wisdom, whose worship included baptism. Oannes was depicted as half man and half fish and was also known as Dagon.

Footnote, stuck in the middle here: Yes, yes, yes, good old H. P. Lovecraft made Dagon into one of his nasty gods. Dagon, Lord of the Deep Ones, the Deep Ones being gilled, batrachian humanoids (Footnote stuck in the middle of a footnote: batrachian means frog or toad like) Where was I? Oh yeah, the Deep Ones live in the ocean depths.

The odd hat called a miter, worn by Christian cardinals, is a stylized fish head, and was worn by the priests of Dagon.

So, Jesus, the sun god, is baptized by Oannes, the water god. The great mythologist, Joseph Campbell wrote,”Several scholars have suggested, therefore, that there was never either John or Jesus, but only a water-god and a sun-god.”

So let’s honor both this Saturday, both sun and water. Get out your sprinklers, your super soakers, your slip n’ slides! Fill up some water balloons and baptize your neighbors!

Two Comets Plus a Hopi Prophecy Do not Equal Doomsday from a Twelfth Planet

So, two comets are visible in the night sky this past week. This occurrence has resulted in an over stimulation of the residual gray matter left in the skulls of Zecharia Sitchin fans. These poor souls believe that ancient aliens roamed our planet early in human history, mucking about with our DNA, building pyramids for us, and generally edumacating us in all skills useful in becoming civilized.

I have seen any number of posts, sharings, news alerts, and what have you, declaring that a Hopi tribal prophecy says that when two comets appear in the sky at the same time, the planet Niburu will begin its return to the inner solar system, Niburu being the twelfth planet that Sitchin declared to be the home planet of our alien masters. The Annunaki will thenceforth wreak havoc upon us.

It is well known that Sitchin pulled his theory out of his butt. It is also known that the Hopi’s knew nothing of a twelfth planet, let alone one named Niburu.

Which brings me to the whole Niburu being the home planet of the Annunaki aliens concept.

Niburu is an ancient Sumerian word. It is one of the many names of the Sumerian sun god, Marduk. Sun god, as in the god of the sun. Not the god of an unknown planet out there in the Kuiper belt, but the sun around which earth orbits, you know, that big bright shiny thingy up in the sky that causes what we scientists call day time.

The Annunaki are the Sumerian pantheon of gods, of whom Nibiru was one. Annunaki is a compound word. Anu is the god of the heavens. Ki is the goddess of the earth. The Annunaki are, collectively, the gods of heaven and earth. The Sumero-Babylonian mythology is essential the same as the mythology of the Egyptians, Greeks, and Celts, and it is very comparable to Hindu and Zoroastrian mythology. None of these ancient peoples thought of their gods as physical beings, alien or not.

As the great mythologist, Joseph Campbell wrote:

Fortunately, it will not be necessary to argue that Greek, Celtic or Germanic myths were mythological. The peoples themselves knew they were myths…”

Sitchin, von Daniken, and all their ancient alien silliness, is becoming a sort of modern mythology. The difference between now and way back then, is that the ancient mythologies actual make sense, when you know how to understand them. And they are to be understood as myths. The ancient gods had no interest in anal probes, and they needed no saucers to fly about in.

This has been Dean Cooper, quasi-scientist, enlightening you with my quasi-theory of the week.

Originally presented on The Squatchers Lounge Podcast

Some Observations On My Beard

A recent preliminary study has found that men’s beards, when allowed to grow to at least an inch or two, grow a species of bacteria, Staphylococcus epidermidis, that has anti-bacterial properties, possibly even against the dreaded Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA bacteria.

This has induced me to examine my own beard. I have not the facilities for proper bacterial culture, so I limited myself to visual observations. Here are my conclusions:

Firstly: It is almost all white, but there are a few dark brown and a few gray ones left.

Secondly: it is not as long as it looks. The longest individual whisker I could find is about 6” long, it is at the bottom of my chin. I had allowed all of them to grow as long as they wanted to, a couple of years ago, but I had to stop that experiment when they reached ZZ Top length and would get stuck in my armpit when I rolled over in my sleep.

Thirdly: here’s a fact that is little known among those who can’t or haven’t grown a beard: yanking on a whisker is like yanking on a pubic hair. They have large roots and it can hurt like the devil. Getting my beard caught in my armpit would literally yank me awake. Whence forth its current length.

Fourthly: not all whiskers grow to the same length. For example, the little inverted triangle just under the lower lip, the ones the hipsters grow these days. Those grow to only a couple of inches long and rarely need trimming. The ones on the upper lip seem to want to grow forever, and mine want to grow straight, forming a classic soup strainer. I therefore trim them short.

Fifthly: having a longer white beard, coupled with long white hair, will get one mistaken for a number of other people. Santa Claus, of course, or a wizard. I have heard background comments, when out in public, of a fat Gandalf being in the area, or a Hogwarts professor. I prefer to be thought of, by Terry Pratchett cognoscenti, as being employed at the Unseen University, where all us wizards never actually practice magic much, due to the widespread destruction that occurs when we fight. Pogonophobes would be justified in their fear.

Boy, I enjoy being obscure.