Niburu’s at it Again

Most of you are probably aware that the End Times were supposed to start last Saturday, the 23rd of September. David Meade, a self-proclaimed “researcher”, says so. When the 23rd came and went, with no noticeable world wide apocalypse occurring, he said he was misunderstood. The 23rd was just a marker date he had calculated and that there would soon be much more noticeable events, Doom’s Day, for example, starting on October 15th. The planet Niburu will make some sort of pass at the earth, the world’s electrical grid will collapse, and the long awaited seven years of tribulation will begin. Wars, famine, fires, volcanoes, tidal waves, earthquakes. Although how this makes the End Times differ from regular times is beyond me.

Now, as to the complete non-existence of the planet Niburu, I refer you to my quasi-theory from a year ago March, “Two Comets Plus a Hopi Prophecy Do not Equal Doomsday from a Twelfth Planet”. I shan’t rehash poor Niburu again today.

No, what I am going to hash up here is a bit of Meade’s methodology by which he came up with this prediction of his. To wit, he says he is using numerology to get a lot of his numbers and dates. He’s doing numerology on the Bible.

Numerology is bogus, of course, just like most forms of divination. But, it is a modern bastardization of an ancient system of encoding hidden meanings into stories and poems. That system was called, in Greek, gematria.

Briefly, most of the ancient Mediterranean cultures, like Greece and Rome, didn’t use separate symbols for numbers when they did any math. These days we use what we call Arabic numerals, which were actually invented by Hindus in India.

The Mediterraneans simply used their alphabets. You know, like Roman numerals. The Greeks, and Greek was the actual language of the Roman empire, went alpha is one, beta is two, you get the idea.

So, many philosophers and poets back then actually encoded hidden meanings and messages in their writings. The name of a hero, for example, would be spelled in such a way as to, when you added up the numerical equivalent of the letters in the name, it would give you a clue as to the real underlying meaning of the story or poem.

Gematria is actually much more complicated than that. There were rules for taking all these numbers gotten from adding up the letters and then doing some math with them, adding, subtracting, all sorts of little things. If you were initiated into the system, you could hide all sorts of things in your writings, things that could only be figured out by other initates.

I use the words initiate and initiated for reason. Gematria was invented by the founders of the ancient mystery religions, and you had to be initiated into these mysteries to know how to use gematria. The Greco-Roman religion consisted of numerous cults to individual gods. Bacchus, Apollo, Diana, Demeter, Venus, Herakles, et al, all had their cults.

The Christian New Testament was written by people who had been initiated into the mystery religions. It has a lot of things that can be read via gematria, but the gematria has to be done on the Greek text, not on the Latin, English, or whichever, but on the original Greek texts, which we ain’t got no more.

It gets better, or worse, depending on your point of view. No one knows all the real rules for gematria. Some claim to know them, but the initiates into the mysteries never wrote them down.

There is one example of gematria in the Book of Revelations for which the real meaning is known. It is the number 666, the number of the beast.

The Hebrew name of the messiah was Yehoshua. You can certainly spell that in Greek letters, but the authors of the New Testament spelled it as Iesous. That’s iota, eta, sigma, omicron, upsilon. They add up to 888. Pythagoras said that 888 is the number of the perfected human. Therefore Jesus’s name had to add up to 888, he being the only perfect human and all. Pythagoras also said that 666 is the number of the carnal man who lives only to satisfy his lustful urges. Therefrom comes the number of the beast.

So, when someone like Meade starts using numerology, not gematria, on their English Bible to figure out what the gods have in store for us, they might as well pull out a Ouija board, or inspect chicken guts, or maybe throw some yarrow sticks and consult the I Ching. It will be at least as reliable as mixing selected bits of the Old Testament with selected bits of the New Testament and running them over with a rogue planet.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:


For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Like a Moth to a Flame

I was asked by a friend, “So, why are moths attracted to lights? Do they think they are flying to the moon?” The quick answer is, “No”. Why would a moth, or indeed any insect, want to fly to the moon?

That kind of behavior is unwise and bodes ill for the long term existence of your species, especially if your species shows a remarkable lack of certain intellectual skills, skills like the forming of, and testing of, hypotheses. And then converting those hypotheses which have been proven correct, and are therefore proven theories, into actual tools, tools that let you build more tools, and, ultimately, fly to the moon without freezing or suffocating on the way.

No known species of moth has done that, in the same way that no known scientist has actually figured out why moths fly into lights. That’s not to say they haven’t tried. There are a number of hypotheses, but no proven theories.

Some think that, since moths evolved with no artificial light sources around, their navigation systems are screwed up by human light sources. But moths have had lightning bugs, glow worms, wildfires, and volcanoes around and they deal just fine with those, and our yard lights are not that much different.

There is one hypothesis, though, that I am partial to, even though it has some flaws, too, but it does a better job of covering the problem than the others.

The hypothesis is by Philip Callahan. Who, working in the 1970’s as an entomologist with the U.S.D.A., suggested that an insect’s antennae should be looked at as antennae. Antennae as in a radio antenna, and not some sort of buggy equivalent of a nose.

The usual view is that, in moths for example, the male cruises through the air using its rather fluffy antennae to sniff out the pheromone scent trail his mothy lady love has laid out in the breezes before him. The chemical snags on the antennae, which were presumed to have little sockets that fit the shape of the molecule, which in turn sets off the neural signal telling Romeo he is on the track of Juliet.

Callahan, who is much more than an entomologist, looked at the male moth antenna, and wondered what frequency of electromagnetic radiation it could be tuned to. He did the calculations and determined that they should pick up a spectrum of infrared wavelengths.

He got some of the female moth pheromones, put them in a bottle, put a bright light on them, and the male moth wanted to fly at the bottle. Turn it off, and he lost interest. It turns out that the pheromone absorbs light at higher frequencies, especially ultraviolet, and re-emits it as infrared. The male moth is following a trail of light, wafting in the gloaming light of dusk. It could be that many insects do the same.

So, it could well be that the one of the reasons bugs are attracted to lights is that, since all our lights give off some heat, which is infrared radiation, we are telling them to come get some sweet, sweet, lovin’. And then they die.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:


What with The Game of Thrones on HBO, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, and a near endless seeming number of other movies, TV shows, computer games, ad infinitum, dragons are stuck in our popular cultural mind.

Dragons, of course, never existed. There were never any big, scaly lizardy, wingity, fire breathing, gold hoarding, flying snakes with legs, eating stray maidens, or killing the unwary hero.

You can speculate things like, say, Europeans, for example, would find the occasional Nile crocodile had swum across the Mediterranean and cruised into a port in southern Italy, and declared that croc to be a dragon. Nile crocodiles have done that, rarely, but really. Europeans, though, have been traveling to Africa since ancient times and certainly knew what a crocodile was. And it wasn’t a dragon.

Our word dragon comes from the Greek word drakon, which meant serpent, snake, usually a really big one. Most ancient cultures have big snakes in their mythology, sometimes they have legs, sometimes they have wings, lots of times they have more than one head. The Indo-european ones have heroes killing them and getting a prize, usually a fair maiden. Thor killed the Midgard serpent. Hercules killed the Hydra. Indra killed Vritra. Zeus killed Typhon. Jason killed the dragon of Colchis and got the Golden Fleece.

Chinese dragons are a bit different. They fly but have no wings. More importantly, they are wise and beneficent. They associate with the wise and holy, and protect those who are worthy of their aid, bringing them wisdom and good fortune.

So, killing, or otherwise dominating, a western dragon wins you good things. Becoming friends with a Chinese dragon also brings good things.

So, what is a dragon/serpent supposed to mean, mythologically speaking?

Well, myths, like dragons, can be multi-headed beasts. The head I’m going with, for now, is the one that dragons are a symbol for the mind.

The western hero fights for control over the hydra headed mess that is the mind of most of us. Get that dragon under control, and things go better for you. The eastern wise man, also a hero, makes friends with his mind and then that dragon willingly helps him.

Rather than dragging this dragon on forever, I’ll stop here and drag my ass away from my computer.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:


There’s a lot of questions I have about almost anything, so I decided I should list some for you. Some are of great relevance to everyone, some have only relevance to a few, some have relevance only to me, and some have absolutely no real relevance to much of anyone, or anything.

I will make no attempt to provide any answers to any of these questions. Indeed, many, if not most of them have no answer. I list them in the order they pop into my head while writing this and, as of this moment, I have not thought of any questions to list. So here goes.

1. Why does a washing machine turn some clothes inside out and not others? Tonight, for example, it turned all my tee shirts inside out. It’s never done that before. That leads me to question number

2. Why does a clothes dryer turn some clothes inside out and not others? Which leads me to number

3. Why does a dryer seem to never turn the clothes that the washing machine turned inside out back to right side out?

4. If fundamentalist Christians are right, and the earth was made in six days, starting on October 23rd, 4004BC, according to Bishop Ussher, why did God make all those fossils, which when dated using the decay rate of various radioactive elements, date back millions of years?

5. Was God just trying to snooker mankind? Maybe trying to test those who believe in the scientific method, the which method has gotten us things like the internet and indoor plumbing?

6. Who was the hardy soul that first ate an oyster? I mean, have you looked closely at a naked, shell-less oyster? They look, and taste, like a gob of particularly lumpy snot. And that person convinced other people to eat them, too.

7. What does that say about the general gullibility of mankind? I have no answer, but ask you to recall question number four.

8. If theoretical physicists are correct, and time does not really exist, why do I remember yesterday and not tomorrow?

9. If three dimensional space is equally illusory, why am I here and not over there somewhere? There’s lots of over there’s where I’d rather be, but here I am.

10. If ancient theories about solar eclipses are right, and a big invisible sky dragon eats the sun, doesn’t that mean that the sun, when it reappears, is now dragon poop?

Which leads me to the last question, perhaps the most important one, for which I have no answer, why are you people listening to me?

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Lighten Up With Levitation

Good old Elon Musk has been making news lately with his hyper loop high speed transportation idea. It’s not like he actually invented the idea, though. The idea for running a magnetic levitation train through a vacuum tunnel has been around a long time, decades at least. Maglev transportation was talked about in the early 1900’s. Before 1950, anyways.

You can also levitate stuff with sound, light, air, electrostatics, electromagnetism, both diamagnetically and electrodynamically, or, if you just want to levitate really tiny things, you can just use the Casimir force.

But that’s all proper sciencey levitation. Anybody can do that kind. The other kind needs special skills, occult skills.

Take walking on water, for example. Liquid water, not the frozen kind. You’re not sinking so you must be levitating. We all know Jesus did it, but he was a late comer to it. Pythagoras and the Buddha did it a good 500 years before the son of god got around to pulling it off. Jesus presumably used god power, but how did the other two get away with it? Well, Pythagoras was said to be the son of Zeus and the Hindus say Buddha was an incarnation of their god Vishnu, so I’d say they used the same propulsion methods that Jesus did.

Then there’s yogic levitation. You can learn it at the Maharishi School in Fairfield, Iowa. That’s only $1895 for an eight day course, which includes learning the basic Transcendental Meditation© technique, but does not include room and board. The school was founded by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, guru to the Beatles and the Moody Blues, among others. You can watch videos demonstrating their yogic flying abilities on YouTube. They look like they are bouncing on their butts in lotus posture, but who am I to judge?

Levitation used to be popular among Roman Catholic saints. St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, merchants, and, more recently, ecology, was frequently seen suspended above the earth, often to a height of three or four cubits. St. Alphonsus Liguori, when preaching at Foggia, was lifted before the eyes of the whole congregation several feet from the ground. St. Teresa of Avila claimed to have floated up about a foot and a half while in prayer, but nobody saw her do it. She’s a saint, so we have to believe her.

Catholic saints have slacked off in the levitating department in recent centuries, although the recently sainted, lately departed, Padre Pio is said to have been seen floating about. He could bilocate, too, but then he did have stigmata. That’s bleeding holes in his hands and feet from identifying with the crucified Christ and not be be confused with astigmatism. I have astigmatism and it just makes me wear glasses. I also have presbyopia, which makes my glasses bifocals, and has little to do with Presbyterians.

I’m going to leave off here. We needn’t sully religiously induced levitation with demonically produced flitting about, ala Linda Blair. That would be levitatious and I wouldn’t want to introduce levity into such a serious topic.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

I Feel Like I’m Going Blind or All About Orbs

Okay, not really blind, but you try looking at pictures of so-called orbs for half an hour or so, and not get bleary eyed.

Orbs and Sasquatch, orbs and aliens, orbs and ghosts, orbs and nature spirits, orbs, orbs, orbs! You don’t seem them with your eyeballs, but they show up in your pictures. Nobody much reported them showing up in photographs until digital cameras got cheap and abundant.

People, orbs are back scattered light from your digital camera’s flash. They happen especially when the flash is close to the lens, as in cheap digital cameras and your cell phone. The flash bounces off small things floating in the air near your camera’s lens, things like dust particles, tiny water droplets, even small insects with glossy wings.

It doesn’t even have to be light from a camera flash. If you have a light on your video camera, infrared light on your infrared video cam, even ambient light from a fire or passing car, that light can bounce off dust and give you a moving orb.

Technically, the reflected light passes through your camera’s lens and creates what is called an Airy disk, named after George Biddell Airy. Airy wrote the technical analysis of what causes the Airy disk effect back in 1835. They are caused by internal refraction in a lens of light from a point source. If your light source is sufficiently tiny and uniform, you get a point of light in the center of the disk, with several concentric circles of light expanding around it. Airy disks were first observed in early telescopes, when astronomers were looking at individual stars.

How fondly I recall the many hours I spent, using the Airy disk effect to align the lenses in my old catadioptric telescope. You knew you got it right when the star was smack dab in the middle of the Airy disks.

Now, why don’t all those orbs in all those pictures, if the orbs are Airy disks, show a little point of light with rings around it? That’s because dust, bugs, and what all, aren’t perfect little reflectors, aren’t perfect little point sources of light. Also, your cheap camera lens probably sucks and has flaws in it, especially if it’s on your cell phone.

On the other hand, if you see orbs floating around with your eyeballs, and they don’t show up in your pictures, you don’t have Airy disks. What you’ve got is spooks. Run. Run fast.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:


Karma, karma, karma. Damn near everybody uses the word these days. Good karma, bad karma, Credit Karma, Karma Go, Karma Gopro, Karma Car. Those last four are registered brand names. Damn near everybody who says it thinks they know what it means.

They think it means you do good things and good things happen to you. Ditto for doing bad things. And they’re correct, sort of.

Karma is a Sanskrit word that more accurately means for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Yup, Newton’s good old third law of motion, as illustrated by those desk toys with two balls suspended on a rod, where you swing one, it hits the other, which then swings up and then back and whacks the one you swung, which then…, well, you’ve all seen what the toy does. Newton’s third law leaves out an important aspect of the basic concept of karma, though.

Newtonian physics has everything happening in empty space. In Hindu metaphysics, there is no empty space, so karma can’t be looked as simply as the third law views things, like things bumping back and forth for all eternity. The Hindu universe is multilayered, much like modern quantum physics. There are dimensions within dimensions, with all those dimensions occurring in a substrate, a conscious substrate, technically called the brahman. You can think of it as sort of a universal mind, sort of, or an ocean of all consciousness. All apparently separate individual things are more like little wavelets, wavelets that are created by the internal self-movement of that ocean. All these wavelets are necessarily conscious, some more so, some less, since they are all part of that ocean of consciousness.

I hope none of you dropped acid, or did some ‘shrooms. This has definitely gone cosmic, as the old hippies would say.

Okay, so back to karma. The word karma comes from the Sanskrit root word kri, which comes from a hypothesized Proto-Indo-European word kwer, spelled k, w, e, r. Kwer means to make or form. Our word create comes from the same root word. Karma means an action, whether word or deed, that you created. We are all of us, from the smallest subatomic particle, to you and me, to this universe we live in, and beyond that to all the possible other universes, we are all in that one ocean of consciousness. So, each and every little wave of karma we create will eventually, in this life or another, come back around and give us a little kiss, or slap us up side the head with that good old third law of Newton.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here: