Sewers

The subject of sewers was recently brought to my attention. What brought the subject to my attention was the sewage in my basement. What put the sewage in my basement was threefold.

Firstly, a whole lot of rain.

Secondly, an invasion of my sewer pipe by tree roots.

And thirdly, but most importantly, a break in the sewer pipe running from my house to the main sewer out in the street, preventing the complete removal of said tree roots until such time as said broken pipe could be fixed. Needless to say, the pipe was fixed as rapidly as possible, the remaining cloggage was removed, and my basement become sewage free.

This was not my first encounter with public sanitation systems. That first encounter occurred decades ago, in the summer of 1968. While others of my generation were celebrating the Summer of Love, I experienced a summer of sewage. I had a summer job with the village water and sewer department. The most memorable part of that job was shoveling the euphemistically named sludge from the city sludge beds.

What was that sludge composed of, you may well inquire? It was the solids, as they were equally euphemistically named, the solid portion of the sewage after it ran through the whole treatment process. It was poop. It was cellulose fibers from the toilet paper. It was a lot of hair. It was a lot of other less mentionable items that had been flushed down the toilets of the town, items that were particularly durable, being made of rubber, and I don’t mean rubber duckies. That said, the treatment process resulted in a product that smelled, but not in a bad way. It smelled like wet dirt. But, then, good dirt is mainly worm and bug poop.

The history of humans endeavoring to get the poop out of their cities goes back a long way. The Indus River civilization in India had complicated sewage disposal systems as early as 2350 BCE. In the city of Lothal, all houses had a toilet connected to a covered sewer, with water running through it to conduct the waste to either streams, or more commonly, cesspits. The Babylonians used baked clay pipes, as early as 4000 BCE, to conduct sewage out of their cities.

The Minoans, the ancient Greeks, the Mayans, and the ancient Chinese all had covered sewage pipes of one sort or another. The Romans, in Rome, had one of the biggest sewers of ancient times, the Cloaca Maxima, which is still in use today, but only for rain water. Cloaca Maxima, oddly enough, means “big sewer”. The public toilets and baths dumped into it.

Later Europeans usually just had outhouses, private and public, that used pits, and had to be shoveled out when full. Users of these outhouses were encouraged to urinate into buckets, which were emptied into vats. After a bit of aging, the resulting ammonia was used to degrease wool. Sheep’s wool is very greasy.

The contents of the pits were usually used for fertilizer, until the introduction of gunpowder. The poop was then piled high. As it aged, the poop produced saltpeter, that is to say, sodium nitrate, the component of gunpowder that produces oxygen very rapidly when ignited. What may have come out explosively in the outhouse became even more explosive later.

With that incendiary sentence I will end this quasi. I am feeling a bit flushed.

First declaimed on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Atlantean Black Magician Drops in for a Visit

This is a true story.

Back in college, I moved off campus to a two bedroom apartment in an old three flat building. My roommate, Kim, was two years older than me. It was a Platonic relationship. She and my girlfriend were good friends.

I add, at this point, that my roommate was definitely psychic, and I am fairly sensitive to that whole realm as well.

Shortly after moving in, Kim began complaining about visits, usually late at night, by an evil presence. I would be asleep when the visitor showed up, and didn’t notice anything. It started showing up while I was awake, and I definitely could tell it was at her end of the apartment. Creepy, evil feeling: chills up and down the spine; you know, the usual spooky sensations.

A few weeks after this started, Kim told me what she knew about this presence. It was, of course, a black magician she and I studied under, way back in old Atlantis, coming to torment us now, in his astral body. He was getting even with us for turning from the dark path to white, good magic, and fighting him and his evil ways. I maintained a neutral attitude to this news, but I knew something nasty was afoot.

A month into these shenanigans, Kim came knocking at my bedroom door around 2 in the morning, wrapped in her blanket, begging to sleep on the floor next to my bed. She said the guy was somewhat afraid of me, because, back on Atlantis, I had become a stronger white magician than he was a black magician. I said she could sleep on the floor and use my spare blanket, too.

Half an hour later the booger showed up at the other end of my bedroom. I could see a black, glowing cloud, maybe three feet across, hovering about five feet off the floor. Yes, glowing black, with dull, dark red tinges, radiating a nasty, evil feeling. Kim was sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees, with her horrified face sticking out of the blankets.

I sat up in bed, crossed my legs in a yoga posture called siddhasana, and began mentally repeating a Sanskrit mantra I knew, and directed my attention at the cloud. I could feel it getting more pissed off, but knew it was not capable of actually hurting anyone, other than scaring the bejesus out of you. It faded away quickly. It made one more minor appearance when my girlfriend came for a weekend visit. She saw it and felt it, but it was much less strong and was gone in a few seconds. I used the same treatment on it as before. The mantra worked like the proverbial charm.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

 

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Atlantean

black magician

The Woo Hypothesis Redux

My very first Quasi Theory was revealed as part of the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast on October 7th, 2015, almost three years ago. That podcast is titled “Man casts the same Bigfoot tracks 300 miles apart – SLP3-40”. It was a good episode and is well worth watching or re-watching, for us long term Squatcher’s Loungers. The title of the theory was “The Woo Hypothesis”. It is high time to readdress that hypothesis.

My motivation for doing so has been my re-reading all of John Keel’s books. He’s got a lot of big, hairy, red glowing eyed apish creatures popping out of, going back into, and otherwise associated with UFO’s, in those books.

Much of the following has been cut, pasted, edited, and otherwise re-written from that first Quasi Theory. As opposed to my usual method of ripping off Wikipedia. C’mon, cut me a break. I nearly always say when I’m quoting someone else.

Anyways, that first Quasi was inspired by the brouhaha over a certain individual who claimed to have to have observed Sasquatch emerging from, and returning to, what he called portals. These Sasquatches also exhibited a variety of what are commonly called paranormal phenomena, the which phenomena have come to be termed “woo”. Termed “woo” around these parts, anyways, and woo as in spooky, as in woooooo.

Now, I am, by my nature, not argumentative. I always assume, as a working hypothesis, that people who have observed, and reported, Sasquatch engaging in paranormal activities, or woo, are not lying about their observations, until proven otherwise.

Allow me to interject here that, personally, I think that there almost certainly is, or are, one or more species of unidentified, upright walking apes, running about the planet, genus or genera being unknown.

I will now present my hypothesis concerning areas where Sasquatch have been exhibiting “woo”. Simply put, the hypothesis is: These places have a bad case of the fairies.

That is, to say, the Good Folk, the Gentry, the aos sidhe, as in bann sidhe and pict sidhe, the Celtic terms for these annoying buggers. Those that take an animal form are called pookas.

Just as in the case of our Bigfoot, every continent, every older culture, has stories about non-physical entities that can delude humans and, sometimes, manifest a seeable form, make audible noises, produce smellable odors, induce emotions in the observer, and generally make things go bump in the night.

John Keel proposed that such entities are hostile to humans and come from some other dimension, with naughty intentions. I think they are perfectly natural entities that occasionally like to flabbergast us. The form they assume is taken from our minds and the current surrounding culture, as are their actions. Which is why much of what they do is inexplicable, since much of what is in our minds and our cultures is equally inexplicable, at least to a rational mind.

I, personally, have occasionally run into some of these woo-critters. My experiences with them are described in several of my Quasi’s.

Now, where do these creatures come from? They come from wherever sub-atomic particles pop out from and disappear back to, where photons that are quantum entangled talk to each other, to put it succinctly. A higher order Riemannian phase space, of which our world is a multiply connected subset of that higher order: in other words, the Astral plane.

That said, any of these beings that have the time to waste on dorking about with us humans are of a low order and not very bright. Some are quite territorial and radiate anger and hostility. I chased one around in a basement of an old house once. They back off when confronted. At least they back off when I confront them. I don’t know about you sissies.

They don’t do portals, but they can sure make you see one, along with demons, guardian ewoks, mind speaking Forest People, or what have you.

They are the sylphs, the naiads, the dryads, of Greek mythology, and the lower order devas of Hinduism. Sometimes, these days, they are called nature spirits.

So, in conclusion, if the Bigfoot you are seeing comes from a portal, that ain’t a Bigfoot, it’s a bloody fairy!

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

 

The Maricoxi

As we all know, Lieutenant Colonel Percy Fawcett is known primarily for getting lost forever in his search for a lost city, which he called “Z”, which he believed to exist deep in the jungles of Brazil. Being British, he probably actually called it “Zed”. He hypothesized that Zed was an outpost of Atlantis. He based that hypothesis on a psychometric reading he had a psychic do on a small black basalt stone idol that had been given to him by H. Rider Haggard. Yes, that H. Rider Haggard, the author of King Solomon’s Mines and She, She, as in “she who must be obeyed”. So, based on this undoubtedly reliable source of information, he got ‘et by the jungle.

But, be that as it may, the main thing Fawcett did was map the jungle area that forms the border between Bolivia and Brazil. He kept copious journals while doing so. His younger son, Brian, later edited and published the journals in book form as Lost Trails, Lost Cities. Brian’s older brother, Jack, would undoubtedly have loved to have done the publishing, but, alas, Jack was with his dad on that last expedition and was likewise ‘et by the jungle.

Now, buried in Lost Trails, Lost Cities are some damned curious things, things that Fawcett simply wrote down as just normal jungle border surveying incidents. I will illustrate this with just example, his brief encounter with the Maricoxi.

Fawcett had been warned about the Maricoxi tribe by the Maxubi, a tribe of Indians who lived a very primitive existence, much like other tribal peoples in the deep Amazon jungles. The Maxubi said, basically, “When you go along the path you are planning on, look out for the Maricoxi. They are primitive buggers who are not at all civilized and will try to kill you.”

Five days after Fawcett left the Maxubi, he and his crew stopped to decide which direction they should go next. Then, and I quote, “…two savages appeared about a hundred yards to the south, moving at a trot and talking rapidly…they were large, hairy men with exceptionally long arms, and with foreheads sloping back from pronounced eye ridges, men of a very primitive kind, in fact, and stark naked”, end quote. The two hairy men carried bows and arrows. Fawcett, who spoke a number of local tribal languages, did not recognize the language the men spoke.

The next day, Fawcett and company stumbled upon the Maricoxi village. It was composed of very primitive shelters, where, and again I quote, “squatted some of the most primitive savages I have ever seen..great apelike brutes…(then) an enormous creature, hairy as a dog, leapt to his feet…fitted an arrow to his bow…and came dancing from one leg to the other until he was only four yards away. Emitting grunts that sounded like ‘Eugh! Eugh! Eugh!’ he remained there dancing.” End quote.

The rest of the tribe followed suit, dancing from leg to leg and chanting, “Eugh! Eugh! Eugh!”, until the first guy, presumably the chief, stopped his performance, and aimed his bow and six foot arrow at Fawcett’s chest. Fawcett understandably pulled out his pistol and, not wanting to start a big battle, fired one shot into the ground. The Maricoxi, equally understandably, took flight. Fawcett and company proceeded onward to their next surveying sight. Fawcett encountered what he called tribes of even more primitive persuasion, who were even hairier and more apelike.

I found this little tidbit of Fawcett’s career in a book by Ivan Sanderson, titled Things and More Things. Sanderson was gob smacked that no anthropologist had ever picked up these hairy apemen of Fawcett’s acquaintance. I am equally gob smacked by it.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

More on May Day, More or Less

Last week Tuesday was May Day. I instructed you all on May Day festivities, such as the May Pole Dance, the Haymarket Riot or Massacre, depending on what side you were on, socialist parades, and what not.

I mentioned that it was also the major Celtic pagan holiday of Beltane, a spring fertility festival. Now, most of the old pagan world had their spring festival on the first day of spring, or scheduled it to correlate the spring equinox with the full moon, like the pagan holiday of Easter.

The Celts were a bit odd about their holiday scheduling, though. Beltane is about halfway between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. Their other three big holidays were likewise halfway between equinoxes and solstices. All four, in order of their celebration were:

Imbolg, which was around February second.

Beltane, which, if you’ve paying any kind of attention, you already know the date of. Although it was actually more like on May 5th.

Lughnasadh, which was around August 1st.

And lastly, was Samhain, which was around November 1st.

The holidays based the sun’s position are referred to as quarter days. It is in dispute as to whether the Celts celebrated them. They certainly knew about them. There’s enough old standing stones and circles with equinoctial and solsticial alignments to show that. The Celts’ holidays are called cross quarter days.

Much of the ancient world had their big holidays smack dab on the equinoxes and solstices. These Celtic holidays were based more on the actual cycles of living things.

Imbolg, at the beginning of February, was about when the sheep would start birthing lambs. It was also the beginning of the light, bright half of the year. Christians scarfed this holiday up as Candlemas, or the feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary, or of the Presentation of the Child Jesus. Take your pick.

Beltane was when plants really started flowering, trees popped out leaves, and crops began to sprout from the ground. The Christians pretty much left this one alone, possibly because of the poles with knobs on the end being a bit to obvious a metaphor.

Lughnasadh was when you first began harvesting crops. This became the Christian holiday of the festival of St. Peter’s Chains. The church pulled a real stretcher on this one.

Samhain was the end of harvesting and the start of the dark half of the year. This became All Saints’ day, of course.

Modern pagans, apparently wanting to make sure they’ve got all their gods and goddesses bases covered, make a big shebang out of all the quarter and cross quarter holidays. Or maybe they just like partying.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

May Day, May Day

Who all celebrates May Day? Well, socialists and communists for starters. They commemorate what is known as the Haymarket Massacre, or Riot, and/or also Affair, which started out as a worker’s parade protesting the killing of workers striking for an eight hour work day, by the Chicago police, on May 3rd, 1886, the day before the riot. An anarchist threw a stick of dynamite at the police, who were breaking up the protest, killing seven officers. The remaining officers then opened fire on the protesters, killing 4 and wounding dozens more.

But that’s not what this quasi is about.

This quasi is about a pole with a knob on the end, the May Pole. It is about young maidens dancing in circles around the pole, festooning it with ribbons, starting with the knob at the top of the erect pole and ending at the bottom. It is about the Greek goddess, Chloris, after whom chlorophyll is named, and her Roman equivalent, Flora, after whom flowers are named. She’s the goddess of flowers and spring, and her festival ran from April 28th to May 3rd, and was called the Floralia.

The Floralia was celebrated with, to quote Wikipedia, “…five days of farces and mimes were enacted – ithyphallic, and including nudity when called for…”.

Ithyphallic, now there’s a word for you. Ithyphallic farces and mimes, farces and mimes enacted with phallic symbols, that is to say, enacted with poles with knobs on the end.

Later, in the year 870 of the common era, on May 1st, Pope Adrian II, in the common mode of Christian practice, scarfed up this joyful spring fertility festival from the pagans, and canonized an otherwise obscure English missionary nun. Her name was Walpurga, and Adrian made May 1st her day.

St. Walpurga… now why does that sound familiar? Let’s see, St. Walpurga’s day must be preceded by St. Walpurga’s eve, of course. Aha! Walpurgis night! One of the major nights that witches worship Satan! It’s also the Celtic Eve of Beltane. Beltane, one of the most holy days in the Druidic year! Anything pre-Christian had to be the devil’s work, so holy it up by reworking it into a Christian holiday.

But be sure to retain the pagan symbols, such as poles with knobs on the end.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Mantra

Back in early December of 2016, when the world was young, or at least younger, I created a mantra for Squatchers. I did it because the Reverend Jeff asked me to.

In a particularly peculiar case of synchronicity, there was an episode of Finding Bigfoot, that aired a bit after I invented that mantra, in which Ranae Holland comes up with the identical mantra. That episode was recorded earlier in the year, but, and I swear to the gods that this is true, I knew nothing of it until after I also wrote that mantra.

If you want to hear the mantra, it’s on my YouTube channel with the title, “A Squatcher’s Mantra”.

But that is all beside the point of this quasi-dissertation, in which I will tell you the theory behind the term ‘mantra’.

You all know what ‘mantra’ means in common usage. You repeat a word, or a series of words, damn near endlessly, hoping that it gets you what you want, such as a Sasquatch, or makes something go away, possibly a scary Sasquatch.

The real meaning of the word mantra is much more profound.

Mantra is a Sanskrit word consisting of the root word, ‘man’, which means to think, and the suffix ‘tra’, which means the prefix is a tool or instrument. The word “man” is also the root word for ‘manas’, the Sanskrit word for mind. So a mantra is a tool of thought. In practice, a mantra shapes the mind, shapes it in the form of what a given mantra is designed for.

Now, this mind we’re talking about is not the physical mind, it is not all that wobbly, globby mass inside your skull. No, it is something nonphysical. It is what the ancient Greeks called the psyche. The Greeks, along with most of the ancient world, said man was composed of a body, or sarke, as in sarcophagus, the psyche, or soul, and the pneuma, as in pneumatic, or spirit. Our spirit is our real self. It uses the soul to think and tell the body what to do. The soul is nonphysical, in the sense that it exists in a higher order reality than the body. The spirit is in an even higher order reality. That’s the simplistic version, anyways.

The soul is the equivalent of the Sanskrit manas, or mind, and we all know how wiggly our minds are. A mantra is used to focus the mind on a specific intent and stop all those wiggly jiggly thoughts.

Now, there are mantras devised to shape your mind for all sorts of purposes, including naughty purposes. Using naughty mantras for naughty purposes is called black magic. Doing black magic will make some very bad karma for you. Aside from having a bad time in future incarnations, it will land you in an astral hell for a long period of astral time, and astral time can seem like an eternity. I did two different quasi dissertations on astral hells. They are not nice places. And technically, those naughty purposes include trying to get rich, get laid, get a pony, i.e., anything selfish.

Most mantras, though, are intended to quiet your mind enough to allow the light of your spirit to come through, thereby illuminating your mind, and letting some of that light come into this lower plane where we live.

Normally, this is where I would end with a bad pun, or some witticism, but I’ll just say this: Om, shanti, shanti, om.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

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