Category Archives: Quasi-Hypothesis Quasi-Scientist

My blathering on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast

Dragons

What with The Game of Thrones on HBO, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, and a near endless seeming number of other movies, TV shows, computer games, ad infinitum, dragons are stuck in our popular cultural mind.

Dragons, of course, never existed. There were never any big, scaly lizardy, wingity, fire breathing, gold hoarding, flying snakes with legs, eating stray maidens, or killing the unwary hero.

You can speculate things like, say, Europeans, for example, would find the occasional Nile crocodile had swum across the Mediterranean and cruised into a port in southern Italy, and declared that croc to be a dragon. Nile crocodiles have done that, rarely, but really. Europeans, though, have been traveling to Africa since ancient times and certainly knew what a crocodile was. And it wasn’t a dragon.

Our word dragon comes from the Greek word drakon, which meant serpent, snake, usually a really big one. Most ancient cultures have big snakes in their mythology, sometimes they have legs, sometimes they have wings, lots of times they have more than one head. The Indo-european ones have heroes killing them and getting a prize, usually a fair maiden. Thor killed the Midgard serpent. Hercules killed the Hydra. Indra killed Vritra. Zeus killed Typhon. Jason killed the dragon of Colchis and got the Golden Fleece.

Chinese dragons are a bit different. They fly but have no wings. More importantly, they are wise and beneficent. They associate with the wise and holy, and protect those who are worthy of their aid, bringing them wisdom and good fortune.

So, killing, or otherwise dominating, a western dragon wins you good things. Becoming friends with a Chinese dragon also brings good things.

So, what is a dragon/serpent supposed to mean, mythologically speaking?

Well, myths, like dragons, can be multi-headed beasts. The head I’m going with, for now, is the one that dragons are a symbol for the mind.

The western hero fights for control over the hydra headed mess that is the mind of most of us. Get that dragon under control, and things go better for you. The eastern wise man, also a hero, makes friends with his mind and then that dragon willingly helps him.

Rather than dragging this dragon on forever, I’ll stop here and drag my ass away from my computer.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Questions

There’s a lot of questions I have about almost anything, so I decided I should list some for you. Some are of great relevance to everyone, some have only relevance to a few, some have relevance only to me, and some have absolutely no real relevance to much of anyone, or anything.

I will make no attempt to provide any answers to any of these questions. Indeed, many, if not most of them have no answer. I list them in the order they pop into my head while writing this and, as of this moment, I have not thought of any questions to list. So here goes.

1. Why does a washing machine turn some clothes inside out and not others? Tonight, for example, it turned all my tee shirts inside out. It’s never done that before. That leads me to question number

2. Why does a clothes dryer turn some clothes inside out and not others? Which leads me to number

3. Why does a dryer seem to never turn the clothes that the washing machine turned inside out back to right side out?

4. If fundamentalist Christians are right, and the earth was made in six days, starting on October 23rd, 4004BC, according to Bishop Ussher, why did God make all those fossils, which when dated using the decay rate of various radioactive elements, date back millions of years?

5. Was God just trying to snooker mankind? Maybe trying to test those who believe in the scientific method, the which method has gotten us things like the internet and indoor plumbing?

6. Who was the hardy soul that first ate an oyster? I mean, have you looked closely at a naked, shell-less oyster? They look, and taste, like a gob of particularly lumpy snot. And that person convinced other people to eat them, too.

7. What does that say about the general gullibility of mankind? I have no answer, but ask you to recall question number four.

8. If theoretical physicists are correct, and time does not really exist, why do I remember yesterday and not tomorrow?

9. If three dimensional space is equally illusory, why am I here and not over there somewhere? There’s lots of over there’s where I’d rather be, but here I am.

10. If ancient theories about solar eclipses are right, and a big invisible sky dragon eats the sun, doesn’t that mean that the sun, when it reappears, is now dragon poop?

Which leads me to the last question, perhaps the most important one, for which I have no answer, why are you people listening to me?

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJqk1-OJniQ&ab_channel=JeffreyKelley

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Lighten Up With Levitation

Good old Elon Musk has been making news lately with his hyper loop high speed transportation idea. It’s not like he actually invented the idea, though. The idea for running a magnetic levitation train through a vacuum tunnel has been around a long time, decades at least. Maglev transportation was talked about in the early 1900’s. Before 1950, anyways.

You can also levitate stuff with sound, light, air, electrostatics, electromagnetism, both diamagnetically and electrodynamically, or, if you just want to levitate really tiny things, you can just use the Casimir force.

But that’s all proper sciencey levitation. Anybody can do that kind. The other kind needs special skills, occult skills.

Take walking on water, for example. Liquid water, not the frozen kind. You’re not sinking so you must be levitating. We all know Jesus did it, but he was a late comer to it. Pythagoras and the Buddha did it a good 500 years before the son of god got around to pulling it off. Jesus presumably used god power, but how did the other two get away with it? Well, Pythagoras was said to be the son of Zeus and the Hindus say Buddha was an incarnation of their god Vishnu, so I’d say they used the same propulsion methods that Jesus did.

Then there’s yogic levitation. You can learn it at the Maharishi School in Fairfield, Iowa. That’s only $1895 for an eight day course, which includes learning the basic Transcendental Meditation© technique, but does not include room and board. The school was founded by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, guru to the Beatles and the Moody Blues, among others. You can watch videos demonstrating their yogic flying abilities on YouTube. They look like they are bouncing on their butts in lotus posture, but who am I to judge?

Levitation used to be popular among Roman Catholic saints. St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, merchants, and, more recently, ecology, was frequently seen suspended above the earth, often to a height of three or four cubits. St. Alphonsus Liguori, when preaching at Foggia, was lifted before the eyes of the whole congregation several feet from the ground. St. Teresa of Avila claimed to have floated up about a foot and a half while in prayer, but nobody saw her do it. She’s a saint, so we have to believe her.

Catholic saints have slacked off in the levitating department in recent centuries, although the recently sainted, lately departed, Padre Pio is said to have been seen floating about. He could bilocate, too, but then he did have stigmata. That’s bleeding holes in his hands and feet from identifying with the crucified Christ and not be be confused with astigmatism. I have astigmatism and it just makes me wear glasses. I also have presbyopia, which makes my glasses bifocals, and has little to do with Presbyterians.

I’m going to leave off here. We needn’t sully religiously induced levitation with demonically produced flitting about, ala Linda Blair. That would be levitatious and I wouldn’t want to introduce levity into such a serious topic.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

I Feel Like I’m Going Blind or All About Orbs

Okay, not really blind, but you try looking at pictures of so-called orbs for half an hour or so, and not get bleary eyed.

Orbs and Sasquatch, orbs and aliens, orbs and ghosts, orbs and nature spirits, orbs, orbs, orbs! You don’t seem them with your eyeballs, but they show up in your pictures. Nobody much reported them showing up in photographs until digital cameras got cheap and abundant.

People, orbs are back scattered light from your digital camera’s flash. They happen especially when the flash is close to the lens, as in cheap digital cameras and your cell phone. The flash bounces off small things floating in the air near your camera’s lens, things like dust particles, tiny water droplets, even small insects with glossy wings.

It doesn’t even have to be light from a camera flash. If you have a light on your video camera, infrared light on your infrared video cam, even ambient light from a fire or passing car, that light can bounce off dust and give you a moving orb.

Technically, the reflected light passes through your camera’s lens and creates what is called an Airy disk, named after George Biddell Airy. Airy wrote the technical analysis of what causes the Airy disk effect back in 1835. They are caused by internal refraction in a lens of light from a point source. If your light source is sufficiently tiny and uniform, you get a point of light in the center of the disk, with several concentric circles of light expanding around it. Airy disks were first observed in early telescopes, when astronomers were looking at individual stars.

How fondly I recall the many hours I spent, using the Airy disk effect to align the lenses in my old catadioptric telescope. You knew you got it right when the star was smack dab in the middle of the Airy disks.

Now, why don’t all those orbs in all those pictures, if the orbs are Airy disks, show a little point of light with rings around it? That’s because dust, bugs, and what all, aren’t perfect little reflectors, aren’t perfect little point sources of light. Also, your cheap camera lens probably sucks and has flaws in it, especially if it’s on your cell phone.

On the other hand, if you see orbs floating around with your eyeballs, and they don’t show up in your pictures, you don’t have Airy disks. What you’ve got is spooks. Run. Run fast.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

Karma

Karma, karma, karma. Damn near everybody uses the word these days. Good karma, bad karma, Credit Karma, Karma Go, Karma Gopro, Karma Car. Those last four are registered brand names. Damn near everybody who says it thinks they know what it means.

They think it means you do good things and good things happen to you. Ditto for doing bad things. And they’re correct, sort of.

Karma is a Sanskrit word that more accurately means for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Yup, Newton’s good old third law of motion, as illustrated by those desk toys with two balls suspended on a rod, where you swing one, it hits the other, which then swings up and then back and whacks the one you swung, which then…, well, you’ve all seen what the toy does. Newton’s third law leaves out an important aspect of the basic concept of karma, though.

Newtonian physics has everything happening in empty space. In Hindu metaphysics, there is no empty space, so karma can’t be looked as simply as the third law views things, like things bumping back and forth for all eternity. The Hindu universe is multilayered, much like modern quantum physics. There are dimensions within dimensions, with all those dimensions occurring in a substrate, a conscious substrate, technically called the brahman. You can think of it as sort of a universal mind, sort of, or an ocean of all consciousness. All apparently separate individual things are more like little wavelets, wavelets that are created by the internal self-movement of that ocean. All these wavelets are necessarily conscious, some more so, some less, since they are all part of that ocean of consciousness.

I hope none of you dropped acid, or did some ‘shrooms. This has definitely gone cosmic, as the old hippies would say.

Okay, so back to karma. The word karma comes from the Sanskrit root word kri, which comes from a hypothesized Proto-Indo-European word kwer, spelled k, w, e, r. Kwer means to make or form. Our word create comes from the same root word. Karma means an action, whether word or deed, that you created. We are all of us, from the smallest subatomic particle, to you and me, to this universe we live in, and beyond that to all the possible other universes, we are all in that one ocean of consciousness. So, each and every little wave of karma we create will eventually, in this life or another, come back around and give us a little kiss, or slap us up side the head with that good old third law of Newton.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

 

 

 

Solar Flares Are Electrifying

Solar flares make for pretty Northern lights. And Southern lights. The bigger the flare, the bigger the lights. The flare has to be aimed, and timed, just right, though, to hit the earth.

A British amateur astronomer, Richard Carrington, was the first one to observe a solar flare, back on September 1st, 1859. Actually, another British amateur astronomer, one Richard Hodgson, saw it at the same time, but somehow Carrington got first dibs on it. The Carrington Event was named after him.

What was the Carrington event, you might well ask? Well, that flare came at us with a major rider attached to it, a huge coronal mass ejection that hit us 17.6 hours later. Coronal mass ejections are mainly composed of electrons and protons. Since those electrons and protons have, respectively, negative and positive charges, they wreak havoc on our magnetic field, making it surge stronger and weaker, back and forth, across the planet. The earth’s magnetic field twerks, as it were, the twerking continuing for as long as it takes for the mass of particles to go by.

Now, we all remember our basic high school physics, don’t we? What happens when you wiggle a magnetic field around an electrical conductor? Well? Don’t we? Do I hear crickets chirping?

Telegraph operators around the world, back in 1859, had a direct experience of what happens when a magnetic field twerks around a copper telegraph network. Electricity is generated. Sparks were reported flying off the key onto the operator’s hand, some getting burns from the shock. Sparks flew off insulators on the telegraph poles. Operators disconnected the batteries that powered the lines but were still able to key in messages using the induced current. Some wires melted.

There’s plenty of evidence that such things have hit the earth in the past, relevantly frequently, geologically speaking.

Here’s a hypothetical, quasi question: What effect would a Carrington scale coronal mass ejection have today? The answer is not at all hypothetical or quasi. It would blow out most of our satellites, electricity grid, cell phone network, radios, TV’s, cellphones, computers, anything with an electrical conductor in it could be toasted, even your toaster.

Need we worry? Surely, knowing that such things are likely to happen, our engineers, our governing bodies, our corporate masters, have more than adequately prepared things to get us up and running, toot suite. You know, an adequate supply of back up electricity transformers and such, emergency plans, and similar reasonable precautions, like putting our electrical grid underground and shielded?

Perhaps, in a happier alternate reality, our leaders have done so. But not in this timeline. When the next big coronal mass ejection hits us, it will be, as my college buddy Weird Ward would say, “Toot-toot-kablooie!”

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

The Junk Room, Part One

Back in the mid-1960’s, my family lived in a house that we knew was haunted. It was an old farmhouse in the middle of town, built sometime before 1900. There were two floors, a basement, and an attic.

There were five of us siblings. Three of us slept in first floor rooms.

The second floor had two bedrooms, one large, where one of my brothers and I slept, and a very small one, which we called the junk room. There were five us siblings and we never threw out any toys. They were kept in the junk room.

When indoors, we frequently played in the large bedroom. We occasionally heard footsteps in the attic, at night, pacing from one end of the house to the other. We would then rapidly adjourn down the stairs to the living room where our parents would declare us to be, and I quote, “Nuts”. This happened a number of times. We lost count of the total.

One day, we were ordered to clean up the junk room and sort all the toys into new cardboard boxes. I say new boxes, but they were obtained from the alley behind the main street stores. The clean up was accomplished rapidly, which was understandable if you knew our mother. The room was very tidy. Our mother was pleased.

Here’s a side note on the junk room: It was always cooler than the rest of the house, except for the basement. We would not go into the junk room at night, alone. The closet was terrifying. Its door would not stay closed but never swung open while anyone was in the room. The junk room door had a separate lock, on the outside of the door. It appeared to be original to the house. We kids kept that door locked when we were not in that room. We often wondered why that door needed a lock on the outside.

One night a few days later, my older brother and my sister were playing “Sorry” in the large bedroom. They suddenly came screaming down the stairs into the living room claiming that somebody was in the junk room, apparently trashing the room. My dad grabbed a baseball bat and went up the stairs, with the rest of the family a reasonable distance behind.

The junk room door was still locked. He opened it, turned the light on, and declared that, and I quote, “You two kids are full of shit. There’s no one in here and the windows are closed and locked.” He continued, “Weren’t you kids supposed to clean this place up? We got you new boxes.”

The room was trashed. Toys were everywhere, but not broken. The boxes were empty and half ruined. The closet door was ominously open. Our mother did not say a word in our defense. She said she did not believe in ghosts.

A good twenty years later she admitted that she thought the house was haunted, too.

First shared in the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgSRtIshDfs&ab_channel=JeffreyKelley

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

The Woo Hypothesis

There has been a lot of discussion, off and on, more on than off lately, about Sasquatch and portals, Sasquatch and cloaking, and Sasquatch associated with other paranormal phenomena. Many of us in the Bigfoot community are using the term “woo”, when discussing this sort thing.

Now, I am, by my nature, not argumentative. I always assume, as a working hypothesis, that people who have observed, and reported, Sasquatch engaging in paranormal activities, or woo, are not lying about their observations, until proven otherwise.

Allow me to interject here that I think that there are almost certainly several species of unidentified, upright walking apes, related to all us other apes, running about the planet.

I will now present my hypothesis concerning areas where Sasquatch have been exhibiting “woo”. The hypothesis is: these places have a bad case of the fairies.

Yes, fairies, beings like the sylphs, naiads, and dryads of Greek mythology, the lower order devas of Hinduism, or the Djinn of Arabia. Sometimes, these days, they are called nature spirits. The Celts called them the Good Folk, the Gentry, the sidhe, as in the bann sidhe and pict sidhe. Or, more specifically in this case, pookas, the shape shifting fairy of Irish legend. Pookas lead people astray, as is illustrated in the stage play Harvey.

Elwood P. Dowd, the lead character in Harvey, is led astray from his successful career in the world of banking after he encounters Harvey, a six foot three and a half inch tall upright walking rabbit. Harvey talks Elwood into leaving banking and, instead, spending his day socializing with the lower classes in a local bar. Certain recent revelations, coming from the woo side of Bigfootery, suggest that American pookas are practicing their guile on this continent right now.

Every older culture, all over the world, has stories about non-physical entities that can delude humans and, sometimes, manifest a see-able form, make audible noises, produce smell-able odors, induce emotions in the observer, and generally make things go bump in the night.

John Keel proposed that such entities are hostile to humans and come from some other dimension, with naughty intentions. I think they are perfectly natural entities that occasionally like to flabbergast us. The form they assume is taken from our minds and the current surrounding culture, as are their actions. Which is why much of what they do is inexplicable.

I, personally, have occasionally run into some of these buggers, a subject which I have elaborated upon in other quasi-theories.

Now, where do these creatures come from? I think they come from wherever sub-atomic particles pop out from and disappear back to, where photons that are quantum entangled talk to each other. They come from a higher order Riemannian phase space, of which our world is a multiply connected subset, in other words, the Astral plane.

That said, any of these beings that have time to waste dorking about with us humans are of a low order and not very bright. Some of them are quite territorial and radiate anger and hostility. I chased one around in a basement of an old house once. They back off when confronted.

They don’t do portals, as such, but they can sure make you see one, along with demons, guardian ewoks, appear as mind speaking Forest People, or what have you.

So, in conclusion, if the Bigfoot you are seeing comes from a portal, that ain’t a Bigfoot, it’s a bloody fairy!

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here:

 

 

 

 

May Day, May Day

Who all celebrates May Day? Well, socialist and communists for starters. They commemorate what is known as the Haymarket Massacre, or Riot, and/or also Affair, which started out as a worker’s parade protesting the killing of workers striking for an eight hour work day, by the Chicago police, on May 3rd, 1886, the day before the riot. An anarchist threw a stick of dynamite at the police, who were breaking up the protest, killing seven officers. The remaining officers then opened fire on the protesters, killing 4 and wounding dozens more.

But that’s not what this quasi is about.

This quasi is about a pole with a knob on the end, the May Pole. It is about young maidens dancing in circles around the pole, festooning it with ribbons, starting with the knob at the top of the erect pole and ending at the bottom. It is about the Greek goddess, Chloris, after whom chlorophyll is named, and her Roman equivalent, Flora, after whom flowers are named. She’s the goddess of flowers and spring, and her festival ran from April 28th to May 3rd, and was called the Floralia.

The Floralia was celebrated with, to quote Wikipedia, “…five days of farces and mimes were enacted – ithyphallic, and including nudity when called for…”.

Ithyphallic, now there’s a word for you. Ithyphallic farces and mimes, farces and mimes enacted with phallic symbols, that is to say, enacted with poles with knobs on the end.

Later, in the year 870 of the common era, on May 1st, Pope Adrian II, in the common mode of Christian practice, scarfed up this joyful spring fertility festival from the pagans, and canonized an otherwise obscure English missionary nun. Her name was Walpurga, and Adrian made May 1st her day.

St. Walpurga… now why does that sound familiar? Let’s see, St. Walpurga’s day must be preceded by St. Walpurga’s eve, of course. Aha! Walpurgis night! One of the major nights that witches worship Satan! It’s also the Celtic Eve of Beltane. Beltane, one of the most holy days in the Druidic year! Anything pre-Christian had to be the devil’s work, so holy it up by reworking it into a Christian holiday.

But be sure to retain the pagan symbols, such as poles with knobs on the end.

Hans Brinker, or The Silver Skates

No, this is not a book review of Mary Mapes Dodge’s classic children’s novel about a Dutch lad who desperately wants to win an ice skating race on the frozen canals of Holland, the grand prize being a pair of silver bladed ice skates. She wrote it in 1865 but the story takes place sometime before 1850, in the winter of some otherwise unspecified year. The reader is left to surmise the actual year of the race, as well as whether or not the prize skates are intended for real use, or are merely a trophy to be hung above the mantle piece.

Continuing the reader’s surmisations, he, or she, may, again, well surmise that the skates, having silver blades, and presumably silver mounting hardware as well, would bend when put to real use on real ice, and that the blades themselves would dull up quite quickly.

An astute modern reader would also be puzzled that the famous canals of Holland actual froze enough for ice skating. They hardly ever get a thin coat of ice, let alone freeze thick enough to support large numbers of ice skaters. They froze that thick in 2012, but that year was exceptionally cold in Western Europe. They froze hard all the time back in the 1800’s, though.

They froze hard from around 1350 all the way to the late 1800’s. They did that because much of the northern hemisphere was in the Little Ice Age. It didn’t get cold enough to get the glaciers all going again, but it was a hard time for half the planet.

From around 950 to 1250 we had the Medieval Warm Period. It was warm enough that the Vikings colonized Greenland, which is not particularly green these days.

It was also wetter, especially in the desert regions of the United States. That’s when the Anasazi and the cliff dwellers flourished. The Mound Builder culture covered most of the Midwest, covering much of the Mississippi valley, and all the rivers draining into it. Their trade routes ran from the east coast to possibly the west coast and all the way down into Mexico. Artifacts, found in Mound Builder archaeological sites that originated from all over the continent.

When the Little Ice Age started around 1250, kicking in more strongly by 1350, the Mound Builder culture collapsed. The Mayan culture collapsed. The Anasazi disappeared. Bad, wet, cold winters and cold summers destroyed much of Europe’s agriculture. The Black Death plague killed hundreds of thousands in Europe. Wars started. Famines killed even more people. The face of modern Europe is much the result of the Little Ice Age.

1816 was probably the worst year of it. It was called the year without summer. There was frost in Virginia in August. Crop failure caused famine in Ireland, Wales, and the rest of Europe.

The scientific debate over what caused the Little Ice Age, reduced solar output, shifts in ocean currents, any number of other factors, rages on.

The reason for the year without summer is known. The Little Ice Age got helped out by volcanoes. 1812, 1813, and 1814 all had major volcanic eruptions, scattered around the world, blowing huge volumes of dust into the stratosphere, blocking a lot of sunlight. The dust maxed out in 1815, when Tamboura, in Indonesia, blew it’s top. Around 24 cubic miles of debris, much of it dust, went into the air. The planet’s temperature dropped by almost another degree for a couple of years.

The Little Ice Age and volcanoes, that’s how Hans Brinker won his silver skates.

First shared on the Squatcher’s Lounge Podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfwKQFwGhiE&t=980s&ab_channel=JeffreyKelley

For the reading impaired, an audio version of this quasi theory may be found here: